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Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ~ Romans 12:12
This bible verse is a lot easier said, than done. But my fellow fertility friends, let me give you hope in knowing that with time his plan will reveal itself. I can't quote the bible forwards and backwards; I am a sinner; I don't attend church every time the doors are open; and I am not a perfect example of a Christian.... but isn't that what being a Christian is all about? Forgiveness. Growing. Learning. Trusting in his plan.We are not perfect; we all sin; we all fail... and we question "why" in times of hardship. My experience with infertility has brought me through doubt, darkness, heartache, faithlessness, suffering and pain. But it has ALSO brought me closer to the Lord because it taught me perseverance, gave me hope, provided me strength and made me faithful in prayer. I wish I could tell you that suffering a loss, miscarriage, multiple miscarriages or failed attempts at fertility will eventually go away... but it will not.
What I can tell you is this...
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." (1 Peter 4:12-13, NIV)
One day you will be able to rejoice! Whether your rejoice comes in the form of a pregnancy, adoption, or even contentment that the Lord has other plans for you... it will come. Until then, don't lose hope, don't lose patience... just persevere.
Last year my husband and I made the decision to apply for adoption. After almost seven years of fertility (including fertility that brought us our beautiful six year old boy), four miscarriages, and years of prayerful consideration we put it all in his hands. For the first time in a while, I let it all go. I didn't consume my life with what, when, and how it would happen. I left it all up to God. I knew that in time, if this decision was the right decision then the good Lord would lay out the path he had chosen for us and reveal to us a beautiful new baby. I also had come to peace with the decision that this may not be his plan for us; his plan may be completely different. In November of 2013 our home study was complete and we were officially on the waiting list to be chosen by birth parents. One Sunday afternoon in March of 2014, I received a call from our adoption agency. Totally unexpected, we received the news that we were chosen by two precious birth parents to adopt their baby boy. Oh my! The tears came flowing and I knew.. at that moment.. this was all GOD'S plan. You see, most people wait months and even years to meet their little bundle of joy - but ours was due in JULY! I wish I could say that the next four months were easy, but honestly we were scared. The birth parents have to wait 72 hours after the baby is born to officially place their child with us. We both knew, those 72 hours would be the hardest and longest 72 hours of our life and theirs. After meeting with the birth parents and their families on several occasions, we were in LOVE with them! The mom is stunning, petite, smart, and just so brave! The father is extremely handsome, intellectual, witty, and absolutely amazing! I had to keep pinching myself to make sure this was truly a reality, because these two amazing individuals were going to make a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Their families were incredible and supportive. We knew it was just as hard for them, and they were all so brave.
Fast forward to today.. yes the 72 hours was emotionally challenging, the process takes a mental toll on you, but we would not have it ANY OTHER WAY! At such a young age, the birth parents committed the most selfless act of love I have ever witnessed - they chose a better life than they could provide for their son. These two individuals are truly our heroes. We saw first hand as we spent days and hours with them, that they loved this child so much. They are amazing and brave. They will always hold a special place in our hearts because they gave us Preston Logan!
And we can't forget that they FOREVER changed the life of this little boy who has patiently waited for a little brother for YEARS!
Life if full of surprises. You may look at our family and see the challenges that completed us... but all I see are blessings. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is so cliche to many; but not to me. The challenges you are facing today, whether it be infertility, adoption, marital, addiction, etc., will NOT determine the rest of your life. You will OVERCOME those challenges by the grace of God... but ONLY if you trust in him. Will it be easy? No, probably not. But it will it be worth it? Every painful second, tear of pain, and heartache will be washed away; that I can vouch for! I can't even remember the pain I felt because my heart is so overjoyed with this little 8 pound 3 ounce bundle of joy. He will never know how much he is truly loved, because this love can not be put into words. But he will know how special he is everyday of his life. So special that he has two sets of family who will love him unconditionally for the rest of his life. This baby boy is special. He is God's little gift; all part of a wonderful plan that blessed our family. How lucky we are to know him, to love him, and to nurture him.
